Saddle up, it's time to hit the trail, check the back forty, and have Hop Sing bring in the laundry. The long awaited continuation to the Bowl-nanza is finally here.
If you should feel the need to refresh the first half, or just want to read this in order to get the full stereo- surround experience, the first part can be found HERE.
Texas Bowl- Texas only has two things, and well, to shorten the old saying, this bowl ain't got no horns. The soon to be middle of the SEC pack, Texas A&M are paired up with Chicago's team. Ok, Chicago's team that doesn't have the words Notre Dame associated with. Northwestern or A&M. Hmmmmm...Let's not buck the trend here and go SEC in this one, even though they are still Big 12. Aggies show off for new coach, get to wear that awesome rodeo/pro wrestling belt buckle.
Peach Bowl- Because that's what it is. You can eat all the chicken sandwiches you want, and tempt us with a surprisingly good milkshake, it's still the Peach Bowl. This particular edition, though, appears to be a bruised peach, as it's just not that interesting. Auburn, in life after Cam, takes on Virginia. Virginia has nice uniforms, but Auburn is the SEC rep. We are homers: Auburn.
Poinsettia Bowl- Yup, just like that plant that cheer leading squads are going to be peddlin' around the holidays, this one looks better in a picture than it will setting on Granny's dinning room table. It has the perenial lil' engine that could in TCU, who actually had a down year, against a team on the rise in Louisiana Tech. However, Terry Bradshaw isn't taking the field and this Louisiana team doesn't have a Honey Badger, let alone even a ground shrew: TCU
Independence Bowl- Nothing says Christmas time like the Declaration of Independence. Maybe we are off on that one, but we tried our best to make it interesting. This edition of a meaningless bowl gives us another team moving to the already congested middle of the SEC in Missouri and North Carolina. Missouri has faced a better level of competition, and well, they are going to the SEC. We pick: The state that always had diagonal lines going through it in elementary school books showing the Civil War maps.
Holiday Bowl- If only we could get Lyndsey Buckingham to sing a theme song for this bowl.( Holiday BOh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-ohhhhh-lllllll) Other than that, another game, another dollar. California and Texas. Texas will be showing the Texas we can expect to see in the future. California smokes a lot of REAL weed, it's Berkeley, ya' know: Texas.
Champs Sports Bowl- Used to be the Citrus Bowl. Citrus is good for you. Champs Sports is , eh, give or take. Notre Dame and Florida State. If this was 1993, this match-up would have you creaming in your Under Armour compression shorts. Sadly, it's 2011, and both teams have been supposedly on the way 'back' for years, but we have seen no such evidence of these claims. Two teams over-hyped every season. However, let's roll with FSU in this one.
Insight Bowl- Pretty sure this one used to have a ' dot com' in it somewhere. Circle the wagons, Bob Stoops has yet another shot at underachieving and come out looking like a popcorn fart. Landry Jones- great name, terrible QB. Iowa isn't much better, and we are going Sooners just because IOWA looks like Pittsburgh. And Steve Austin and Jim Ross don't hurt.
Sun Bowl- Georgia Tech or Utah? I think any game with this name should have hot girls getting lotion applied to them and sunbathing on the sidelines. It doesn't, so it doesn't have my interest. Let's say Tech, just because there is no chance they are Mormon. That sounds worse than it is.
Liberty Bowl- Vandy actually in a bowl game? WTF? If Cincinnati is half as violent as their basketball team, it's a cake walk. Unfortunately, Yancy Gates type sucker punches have no effect on someone wearing a helmet. SEC by way of Vanderbilt.
Gator Bowl- Ummmmmm.....Awkward... Winner: SEC. Loser: Big 10, Urban Meyer, and Meyer's kids who just want dad to watch them grow up. Florida playing Ohio State is an afterthought in this one. It's all about Urb. Urb's old kids beat his new ones. Florida owned Columbus before, no reason to buck-'eye' that trend now.
Las Vegas Bowl- Ironic as it is, even though I loathe the BCS and want a playoff, I HATE Boise State. Happily though, Boise State one again choked away BCS glory with a faulty kicker. I would really like to see Arizona State ruin Kellen Moore's going away party, but I don't believe they will. Damn it!: Boise State, but it may be the last *ahem* big win they get for a while.
Alamo Bowl- Just worth watching for one reason: RG III. The newly crowned Heisman will be putting on his wares on display, hopefully convincing the Colts to pick him instead of Andrew Luck. Winner: RG III, potentially the Indianapolis Colts, Perhaps even Andrew Luck.
TicketCity.com Bowl- Don't let your kids watch this one unattended. This one might as well be the 'Interim Coach's' bowl. The All-Time passing leader will be overshadowed by constant talks of an old man and his tainted legacy because he is an idiot. I have heard enough of it and can't stomach any more of it. Nothing against the players of Penn State, but I am taking Houston. Why? because an older woman who likes young boys is a Cougar. An older man who likes younger boys is a Nittany Lion.
That wraps up another chunk of the toilet-clogging mess that is Bowl Season. The Final Installment will be posted within the week.
If you should feel the need to refresh the first half, or just want to read this in order to get the full stereo- surround experience, the first part can be found HERE.
Texas Bowl- Texas only has two things, and well, to shorten the old saying, this bowl ain't got no horns. The soon to be middle of the SEC pack, Texas A&M are paired up with Chicago's team. Ok, Chicago's team that doesn't have the words Notre Dame associated with. Northwestern or A&M. Hmmmmm...Let's not buck the trend here and go SEC in this one, even though they are still Big 12. Aggies show off for new coach, get to wear that awesome rodeo/pro wrestling belt buckle.
Peach Bowl- Because that's what it is. You can eat all the chicken sandwiches you want, and tempt us with a surprisingly good milkshake, it's still the Peach Bowl. This particular edition, though, appears to be a bruised peach, as it's just not that interesting. Auburn, in life after Cam, takes on Virginia. Virginia has nice uniforms, but Auburn is the SEC rep. We are homers: Auburn.
Poinsettia Bowl- Yup, just like that plant that cheer leading squads are going to be peddlin' around the holidays, this one looks better in a picture than it will setting on Granny's dinning room table. It has the perenial lil' engine that could in TCU, who actually had a down year, against a team on the rise in Louisiana Tech. However, Terry Bradshaw isn't taking the field and this Louisiana team doesn't have a Honey Badger, let alone even a ground shrew: TCU
Independence Bowl- Nothing says Christmas time like the Declaration of Independence. Maybe we are off on that one, but we tried our best to make it interesting. This edition of a meaningless bowl gives us another team moving to the already congested middle of the SEC in Missouri and North Carolina. Missouri has faced a better level of competition, and well, they are going to the SEC. We pick: The state that always had diagonal lines going through it in elementary school books showing the Civil War maps.
Holiday Bowl- If only we could get Lyndsey Buckingham to sing a theme song for this bowl.( Holiday BOh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-ohhhhh-lllllll) Other than that, another game, another dollar. California and Texas. Texas will be showing the Texas we can expect to see in the future. California smokes a lot of REAL weed, it's Berkeley, ya' know: Texas.
Champs Sports Bowl- Used to be the Citrus Bowl. Citrus is good for you. Champs Sports is , eh, give or take. Notre Dame and Florida State. If this was 1993, this match-up would have you creaming in your Under Armour compression shorts. Sadly, it's 2011, and both teams have been supposedly on the way 'back' for years, but we have seen no such evidence of these claims. Two teams over-hyped every season. However, let's roll with FSU in this one.
Insight Bowl- Pretty sure this one used to have a ' dot com' in it somewhere. Circle the wagons, Bob Stoops has yet another shot at underachieving and come out looking like a popcorn fart. Landry Jones- great name, terrible QB. Iowa isn't much better, and we are going Sooners just because IOWA looks like Pittsburgh. And Steve Austin and Jim Ross don't hurt.
Sun Bowl- Georgia Tech or Utah? I think any game with this name should have hot girls getting lotion applied to them and sunbathing on the sidelines. It doesn't, so it doesn't have my interest. Let's say Tech, just because there is no chance they are Mormon. That sounds worse than it is.
Liberty Bowl- Vandy actually in a bowl game? WTF? If Cincinnati is half as violent as their basketball team, it's a cake walk. Unfortunately, Yancy Gates type sucker punches have no effect on someone wearing a helmet. SEC by way of Vanderbilt.
Gator Bowl- Ummmmmm.....Awkward... Winner: SEC. Loser: Big 10, Urban Meyer, and Meyer's kids who just want dad to watch them grow up. Florida playing Ohio State is an afterthought in this one. It's all about Urb. Urb's old kids beat his new ones. Florida owned Columbus before, no reason to buck-'eye' that trend now.
Las Vegas Bowl- Ironic as it is, even though I loathe the BCS and want a playoff, I HATE Boise State. Happily though, Boise State one again choked away BCS glory with a faulty kicker. I would really like to see Arizona State ruin Kellen Moore's going away party, but I don't believe they will. Damn it!: Boise State, but it may be the last *ahem* big win they get for a while.
Alamo Bowl- Just worth watching for one reason: RG III. The newly crowned Heisman will be putting on his wares on display, hopefully convincing the Colts to pick him instead of Andrew Luck. Winner: RG III, potentially the Indianapolis Colts, Perhaps even Andrew Luck.
TicketCity.com Bowl- Don't let your kids watch this one unattended. This one might as well be the 'Interim Coach's' bowl. The All-Time passing leader will be overshadowed by constant talks of an old man and his tainted legacy because he is an idiot. I have heard enough of it and can't stomach any more of it. Nothing against the players of Penn State, but I am taking Houston. Why? because an older woman who likes young boys is a Cougar. An older man who likes younger boys is a Nittany Lion.
That wraps up another chunk of the toilet-clogging mess that is Bowl Season. The Final Installment will be posted within the week.
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