This is the time of year, where out TV's are flooded with plenty of College Football, but none of the seemingly 4000 bowl games( as I am typing, I think they just added another) really mean much of anything. Fact is, most are not even worth watching.
Bowl season is no different than most Saturday's during the regular season, aside from people telling you that they are, and that these athletes are getting an experience of a lifetime.
With that said, we are going to breakdown, in a half-assed way, all of these life-enriching experiences known as College Bowl Games. It's big business pageantry at it's finest. Let the mediocrity begin.
(We are going to go in the order Pat Forde did on Yahoo! but do it right.)
The Beef o'Brady Bowl: Probably the game that has the most punch line's associated with it. This edition is Marshall taking on the power of powers, Florida International. Now, I like the Herd. They are in my own backyard and I root for them. But, in the big picture, this is a bowl game that might as well be in the 1-AA playoffs, er FCS...Marshall takes a step back to their days of being a Southern Conference power. Two teams who are statistically not as good as 80 other teams. But there has to be a winner: Marshall.
Little Cesar's Pizza Bowl: While the prospects of a big bowl of pizza excites me, the former Motor City Bowl does not. We have Western Michigan and Purdue in this one. I'd probably have to have plenty of Boiler-makers' to even remotely be interested in this one. So who is more Hot and Ready??? There can be only one: Western Michigan.
Kraft Fight Hunger Bowl: This game might be a good cause, but it's a lousy bowl. I think of the display that Foodland puts in the dairy aisle that promotes this, in the guise of ending hunger, but really to push the game on the supermarket crowd. This game features two teams, UCLA and Illinois, that seemingly didn't win a game all season. The Illini lost6 games in a row and UCLA lost their last 3 to close the season with a losing record. This game is on New Year's eve, so thanks to Dick Clark and Kentucky/Louisville in Rupp, nobody will even notice how horrible this match-up is. Clean up on aisle three: Illinois.
BBVA Compass Bowl: You remember when bowls after January the 1st where the cream of the crop? This bowl even with compass in it's name, has lost it's way and is occupying prime Bowl Season real estate. This game pits the somewhat back form the dead SMU Mustangs and the Pitt Panthers. The stadium is falling apart and the game never had legs to stand on anyways. Just because I hate Pittsburgh: SMU
New Mexico Bowl: Unfortunately, the Lincoln County Regulators won't be appearing to shoot the place up, so if you're remote is about to run out of battery power, make sure you stay clear of this one so you don't risk being stuck on this channel, and, gasp, get up and turn the channel by hand. Temple and Wyoming? I liked Bill Cosby when I was a kid: Temple.
New Orleans Bowl: A city of drunkenness, black magic, chicken sacrifices, and titties for beads. The city has a good grasp on great debauchery, but the bowl is nothing more than a debacle. San Diego State, minus Hoke and years away from Marshall Faulk, battle the home state Louisiana Lafayette. Ronnie Hillman is a good back, but I am wanting to lean towards the more 'hometown' team in L squared. The NWA had a Clash of the Champions nicknamed 'The Rajin' Cajun', so I pick Louisiana-Lafayette.
Hawaii Bowl: Gone are the days of an actual cool sounding Bowl game on the Big Island.(Aloha and Hula)However, if I was on an undeserving of post-season team, Hawaii would be where I'd want to be rewarded with a trip to for doing nothing. Just like the TV show Lost, which was filmed there, this game is lost on the excitement that is Christmas Eve. More people will be putting out cookies for Santa than watching this game, but it would make for decent background noise while you're 'noggin' it up. Southern Miss and Nevada... let's go crazy here: So. Miss.
Military Bowl: Well, at least there is one of the service academies in this one. Fittingly, they are playing a team called the Rockets. Now, if you can talk yourself into the Rockets of Toledo being Russians, watching and rooting for Air Force will seem like a patriotic duty. However, when I think of football teams named Rockets, I think of Reno, and his white shoes. My pick: Toledo.
Famous Idaho Potato Bowl: This is another Foodland evoking game for me. I just can't get the picture of dirty potato grab-bins over by the stock room doors out of my head when I hear this name. Unlike Dennis, who gets deals on produce for the store, this game is not a deal at all. Ohio and Utah State are the two teams who get the chance to 'Au Gratin' each other here. I take Ohio just because the Bobcat beat up the Buckeye mascot last season, and Athens gave us Matt Lauer. Good or Bad.
Armed Forces Bowl: Seriously, don't we already have this shtick kinda' covered? No military presence in the game, other than the Mormon Army from BYU and their 'Jesus came from a spaceship' believing fans. Tulsa storms in like the ATF on Waco, in this noon time clash of titans. Unless you happen to be at B-Dubs on New Year's Eve-Eve, I wouldn't watch this one: Tulsa.
Belk Bowl: The only reason to watch the Charlotte Bowl, is to see if by chance Tully Blanchard and Magnum TA break out into a brawl in the stands, with a cameo by 'Naitch arriving via helicopter to proclaim this is Flair Country and the Bowl is now called 'The Nature Bowl'. Or, be a Louisville fan and watch what you may have in store for the next few years by dissecting the play of your mostly, freshman, receiving corps. And, see Charlie Strong one last time before somebody snatches him the hell out of there.
Unfortunately, The NC State Wolfpack is not the nWo Wolfpack: Louisville.
Pinstripe Bowl: The unique atmosphere of football in a baseball stadium. Big deal, we had that 'charm' at CJHS for years. However, this game features the team who is the root of all evil this year and led to Oklahoma State, rightfully, being left out of BCS glory, Iowa State. They will be paired up against Rutgers, and all their hair gel, neck tat, fist pumpin' glory. Rutgers has a good record, but that does not constitute a good team. Iowa State is even worse, which is even more evidence that the BCS did work this season: Rutgers, but please play some Bon Jovi.
Music City Bowl: Kinda' weird not seeing the name 'Kentucky' associated with this bowl game after the Cats pretty much moved into the locker room there the last 5 years or so. However, Mississippi State and all their cow bell ringin' glory will take on those evil Southern Baptists from Wake Forrest, who did take down the supposed 'back' Florida State Seminoles. Both teams played in good conferences, but MSU got their ass kicked by the best in the SEC: MSU.
This concludes part one of the preview. I need to rest a minute here and drink myself into oblivion after actually prospecting these match-ups. Drink away the pain, drink away the pain.
Part 2 later this week.
Bowl season is no different than most Saturday's during the regular season, aside from people telling you that they are, and that these athletes are getting an experience of a lifetime.
With that said, we are going to breakdown, in a half-assed way, all of these life-enriching experiences known as College Bowl Games. It's big business pageantry at it's finest. Let the mediocrity begin.
(We are going to go in the order Pat Forde did on Yahoo! but do it right.)
The Beef o'Brady Bowl: Probably the game that has the most punch line's associated with it. This edition is Marshall taking on the power of powers, Florida International. Now, I like the Herd. They are in my own backyard and I root for them. But, in the big picture, this is a bowl game that might as well be in the 1-AA playoffs, er FCS...Marshall takes a step back to their days of being a Southern Conference power. Two teams who are statistically not as good as 80 other teams. But there has to be a winner: Marshall.
Little Cesar's Pizza Bowl: While the prospects of a big bowl of pizza excites me, the former Motor City Bowl does not. We have Western Michigan and Purdue in this one. I'd probably have to have plenty of Boiler-makers' to even remotely be interested in this one. So who is more Hot and Ready??? There can be only one: Western Michigan.
Kraft Fight Hunger Bowl: This game might be a good cause, but it's a lousy bowl. I think of the display that Foodland puts in the dairy aisle that promotes this, in the guise of ending hunger, but really to push the game on the supermarket crowd. This game features two teams, UCLA and Illinois, that seemingly didn't win a game all season. The Illini lost6 games in a row and UCLA lost their last 3 to close the season with a losing record. This game is on New Year's eve, so thanks to Dick Clark and Kentucky/Louisville in Rupp, nobody will even notice how horrible this match-up is. Clean up on aisle three: Illinois.
BBVA Compass Bowl: You remember when bowls after January the 1st where the cream of the crop? This bowl even with compass in it's name, has lost it's way and is occupying prime Bowl Season real estate. This game pits the somewhat back form the dead SMU Mustangs and the Pitt Panthers. The stadium is falling apart and the game never had legs to stand on anyways. Just because I hate Pittsburgh: SMU
New Mexico Bowl: Unfortunately, the Lincoln County Regulators won't be appearing to shoot the place up, so if you're remote is about to run out of battery power, make sure you stay clear of this one so you don't risk being stuck on this channel, and, gasp, get up and turn the channel by hand. Temple and Wyoming? I liked Bill Cosby when I was a kid: Temple.
New Orleans Bowl: A city of drunkenness, black magic, chicken sacrifices, and titties for beads. The city has a good grasp on great debauchery, but the bowl is nothing more than a debacle. San Diego State, minus Hoke and years away from Marshall Faulk, battle the home state Louisiana Lafayette. Ronnie Hillman is a good back, but I am wanting to lean towards the more 'hometown' team in L squared. The NWA had a Clash of the Champions nicknamed 'The Rajin' Cajun', so I pick Louisiana-Lafayette.
Hawaii Bowl: Gone are the days of an actual cool sounding Bowl game on the Big Island.(Aloha and Hula)However, if I was on an undeserving of post-season team, Hawaii would be where I'd want to be rewarded with a trip to for doing nothing. Just like the TV show Lost, which was filmed there, this game is lost on the excitement that is Christmas Eve. More people will be putting out cookies for Santa than watching this game, but it would make for decent background noise while you're 'noggin' it up. Southern Miss and Nevada... let's go crazy here: So. Miss.
Military Bowl: Well, at least there is one of the service academies in this one. Fittingly, they are playing a team called the Rockets. Now, if you can talk yourself into the Rockets of Toledo being Russians, watching and rooting for Air Force will seem like a patriotic duty. However, when I think of football teams named Rockets, I think of Reno, and his white shoes. My pick: Toledo.
Famous Idaho Potato Bowl: This is another Foodland evoking game for me. I just can't get the picture of dirty potato grab-bins over by the stock room doors out of my head when I hear this name. Unlike Dennis, who gets deals on produce for the store, this game is not a deal at all. Ohio and Utah State are the two teams who get the chance to 'Au Gratin' each other here. I take Ohio just because the Bobcat beat up the Buckeye mascot last season, and Athens gave us Matt Lauer. Good or Bad.
Armed Forces Bowl: Seriously, don't we already have this shtick kinda' covered? No military presence in the game, other than the Mormon Army from BYU and their 'Jesus came from a spaceship' believing fans. Tulsa storms in like the ATF on Waco, in this noon time clash of titans. Unless you happen to be at B-Dubs on New Year's Eve-Eve, I wouldn't watch this one: Tulsa.
Belk Bowl: The only reason to watch the Charlotte Bowl, is to see if by chance Tully Blanchard and Magnum TA break out into a brawl in the stands, with a cameo by 'Naitch arriving via helicopter to proclaim this is Flair Country and the Bowl is now called 'The Nature Bowl'. Or, be a Louisville fan and watch what you may have in store for the next few years by dissecting the play of your mostly, freshman, receiving corps. And, see Charlie Strong one last time before somebody snatches him the hell out of there.
Unfortunately, The NC State Wolfpack is not the nWo Wolfpack: Louisville.
Pinstripe Bowl: The unique atmosphere of football in a baseball stadium. Big deal, we had that 'charm' at CJHS for years. However, this game features the team who is the root of all evil this year and led to Oklahoma State, rightfully, being left out of BCS glory, Iowa State. They will be paired up against Rutgers, and all their hair gel, neck tat, fist pumpin' glory. Rutgers has a good record, but that does not constitute a good team. Iowa State is even worse, which is even more evidence that the BCS did work this season: Rutgers, but please play some Bon Jovi.
Music City Bowl: Kinda' weird not seeing the name 'Kentucky' associated with this bowl game after the Cats pretty much moved into the locker room there the last 5 years or so. However, Mississippi State and all their cow bell ringin' glory will take on those evil Southern Baptists from Wake Forrest, who did take down the supposed 'back' Florida State Seminoles. Both teams played in good conferences, but MSU got their ass kicked by the best in the SEC: MSU.
This concludes part one of the preview. I need to rest a minute here and drink myself into oblivion after actually prospecting these match-ups. Drink away the pain, drink away the pain.
Part 2 later this week.
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