At the 64/60 Fantasy Sports satellite office in Morristown, TN, we take a somewhat different approach to sports journalism than our main office. That alternate approach being we cover all sporting activities, including but not limited to peer pong and frivolous copulation. Also, we enjoy the occasional argument and exploiting the rules of fantasy sports. This edition of 64/60 Sports is in the realm of fly fishing with a heavy breath of championship beer drinking.
After attending a conference on how to use plastics and practicing my flirting skills (or rather my annoying skills) on the Dow Chemical girls, Big Gare (James' dad) and I headed for the mountains to catch the elusive rainbow trout. Morphy Lake was our target destination. Here is a recap I sent in an email.
Apr 21 2010
I had a conference for work until Wed. evening around 9pm. Gary and I had discussed this on a number of occasions. The plan was to pick me up from the hotel which was ~4 miles from his house on Wed evening~9:30pm. I called at 10pm to see if he was ready and he said “Man, I’ve had a few beers.” I took the hotel shuttle to his residence. We had a fairly mild evening filled with chatting about the 1999 trip. I then went to sleep.
Apr 22 2010
Gary had all the fishing/camping gear packed and ready to load into the truck. We went to Wal-Mart, which Gary apparently loves, to get the food. He was hardcore flirting with the deli girl who was by all means wretched. I managed to pull him away before he got her number. He kept talking about how huge her titties were. It was awesome.
We meticulously packed the truck (remember the table that fits perfectly in the bottom?), took a piss, then hit the road. We talked about all kinds of shit but the main points I want to address are:
1) Big Gare needs a girlfriend
2) Big Gare loves Miller Lite
a. The only reason I’m telling you guys this is because his performance later this night was impressive by any man’s standards.
So we get to the camp site and set everything up. We went fishing that evening and I did pretty well. BG did well too. 14-15” rainbows.
We got an 18 pack, which I was thinking might last us a few days. Well, I had 2 beers then was exhausted so I went to bed. As I was trying to sleep, which was tough because 1) it was freezing cold 2) it was hard in the back of the truck, I heard BG cracking open a new beer every 15 minutes or so. Fast forward until like 4 am, I wake up and hear *crack*. BG is still going at it. I fall asleep. An hour or so later, BG climbs in the back and we both sleep until like 7 am .
Apr 23 10
BG gets up first and starts a fire. I roll out a few minutes later and there is a heavy dusting of snow (~1”). The wind is blowing about 50 mph and the temperature is ~ 25F. The weather stayed like this all day.
Well, I start looking around and the camp site is completely clean. I ask BG, “Dude, how late were you up?” He replies, “It was late. I’m not sure.” I reach in the cooler to get a water and there is not a single beer. BG drank 16 beers in a 5 hour period. Now, I would likely be dead if I had drank that much but BG was up after 2 hours of sleep like nothing had even happened. I couldn’t believe it.
I had a conference for work until Wed. evening around 9pm. Gary and I had discussed this on a number of occasions. The plan was to pick me up from the hotel which was ~4 miles from his house on Wed evening~9:30pm. I called at 10pm to see if he was ready and he said “Man, I’ve had a few beers.” I took the hotel shuttle to his residence. We had a fairly mild evening filled with chatting about the 1999 trip. I then went to sleep.
Apr 22 2010
Gary had all the fishing/camping gear packed and ready to load into the truck. We went to Wal-Mart, which Gary apparently loves, to get the food. He was hardcore flirting with the deli girl who was by all means wretched. I managed to pull him away before he got her number. He kept talking about how huge her titties were. It was awesome.
We meticulously packed the truck (remember the table that fits perfectly in the bottom?), took a piss, then hit the road. We talked about all kinds of shit but the main points I want to address are:
1) Big Gare needs a girlfriend
2) Big Gare loves Miller Lite
a. The only reason I’m telling you guys this is because his performance later this night was impressive by any man’s standards.
So we get to the camp site and set everything up. We went fishing that evening and I did pretty well. BG did well too. 14-15” rainbows.
We got an 18 pack, which I was thinking might last us a few days. Well, I had 2 beers then was exhausted so I went to bed. As I was trying to sleep, which was tough because 1) it was freezing cold 2) it was hard in the back of the truck, I heard BG cracking open a new beer every 15 minutes or so. Fast forward until like 4 am, I wake up and hear *crack*. BG is still going at it. I fall asleep. An hour or so later, BG climbs in the back and we both sleep until like 7 am .
Apr 23 10
BG gets up first and starts a fire. I roll out a few minutes later and there is a heavy dusting of snow (~1”). The wind is blowing about 50 mph and the temperature is ~ 25F. The weather stayed like this all day.
Well, I start looking around and the camp site is completely clean. I ask BG, “Dude, how late were you up?” He replies, “It was late. I’m not sure.” I reach in the cooler to get a water and there is not a single beer. BG drank 16 beers in a 5 hour period. Now, I would likely be dead if I had drank that much but BG was up after 2 hours of sleep like nothing had even happened. I couldn’t believe it.
And so on...
I remember at one point my shaving kit (the brown bag James gave me, sex joke in there somewhere) was on the table with a number of other items and BG asked if I was going to put the bag away. I thought… Is it in the way? I didn’t argue and just put it away. BG likes his camp site orderly.
We couldn’t fish much because the wind was so heavy it was blowing the float tube around and it was impossible to cast.
I went back to camp and tried to sleep a little in the front seat of the truck.
BG did ask at one point if James and I ever went “toe to toe”. AHAHHAHAH I said “Do you mean have we ever fought each other? “ I said, “No, why would I want to fight James?”
We chatted the rest of the day about type II diabetes, red and green chile and stories from James and Jamie’s youth… oh and of course Nia.
This day was pretty miserable as it was so cold.
Skip to the evening. We grilled some chicken. We got another 12 pack. I made myself a promise that I would drink 6 so he could only drink 6 too. I put down 6 then went to sleep. He stayed up again until like 1 or 2.
As we were falling asleep he kept saying “Jess, if I snore wake me up and I’ll roll over.” Sure enough, about 3 am, he is snoring so loud, I thought the Germans were bombing the lake. I kept asking him to roll over. He would stop for about 18-19 seconds then go right back. Finally, he got up front.
I remember at one point my shaving kit (the brown bag James gave me, sex joke in there somewhere) was on the table with a number of other items and BG asked if I was going to put the bag away. I thought… Is it in the way? I didn’t argue and just put it away. BG likes his camp site orderly.
We couldn’t fish much because the wind was so heavy it was blowing the float tube around and it was impossible to cast.
I went back to camp and tried to sleep a little in the front seat of the truck.
BG did ask at one point if James and I ever went “toe to toe”. AHAHHAHAH I said “Do you mean have we ever fought each other? “ I said, “No, why would I want to fight James?”
We chatted the rest of the day about type II diabetes, red and green chile and stories from James and Jamie’s youth… oh and of course Nia.
This day was pretty miserable as it was so cold.
Skip to the evening. We grilled some chicken. We got another 12 pack. I made myself a promise that I would drink 6 so he could only drink 6 too. I put down 6 then went to sleep. He stayed up again until like 1 or 2.
As we were falling asleep he kept saying “Jess, if I snore wake me up and I’ll roll over.” Sure enough, about 3 am, he is snoring so loud, I thought the Germans were bombing the lake. I kept asking him to roll over. He would stop for about 18-19 seconds then go right back. Finally, he got up front.
He also asked me to manage the .44 he brought. This gun is fucking enormous.
Apr 24 2010
Our last day on the lake.
The wind died down and we fished all morning. We both caught several. We drove back and unloaded. On the way home, he was talking all kinds of shit to the other drivers. “Like, hey man, you almost clipped my bumper.” They weren’t even remotely close.
So, we stopped for lunch at a burrito place someone had recommended. Well go in and Gar is worried about someone stealing his Coleman lantern (understandable as it is a killer lantern). Well the owner, who was a fucking disgusting human being, wouldn’t open the blinds so Gar moved the truck to where he could see it. The fat owner then went on to explain how much money he makes in a day. It was repulsive. The burrito was terrible. A handful of Chicano idiots came in yelling at each other and trying to walk into the kitchen. The whole experience blew.
We drove home.
I went for a run. Gary skipped dinner and drank, I don’t know how many, beers. We watched the outlaw Josie Wells. Good times.
I flew out the following morning.
The highlights:
1) Big Gar’s drinking performance on Thursday
2) Instant coffee and hot cocoa.
3) Slaying trout.
4) Big Gar’s packing and hand sanitation policy
5) Big Gar’s road rage
6) Big Gar’s VA and other stories
7) Big Gar’s descriptions of titties, which he loves very much.
I had a blast and laughed my ass off.
It most certainly wasn’t the same without you guys.
Oh at one point I even said…”Good night Ja...I mean Gary.” For old times sake, it certainly wasn’t as funny the second time.
Apr 24 2010
Our last day on the lake.
The wind died down and we fished all morning. We both caught several. We drove back and unloaded. On the way home, he was talking all kinds of shit to the other drivers. “Like, hey man, you almost clipped my bumper.” They weren’t even remotely close.
So, we stopped for lunch at a burrito place someone had recommended. Well go in and Gar is worried about someone stealing his Coleman lantern (understandable as it is a killer lantern). Well the owner, who was a fucking disgusting human being, wouldn’t open the blinds so Gar moved the truck to where he could see it. The fat owner then went on to explain how much money he makes in a day. It was repulsive. The burrito was terrible. A handful of Chicano idiots came in yelling at each other and trying to walk into the kitchen. The whole experience blew.
We drove home.
I went for a run. Gary skipped dinner and drank, I don’t know how many, beers. We watched the outlaw Josie Wells. Good times.
I flew out the following morning.
The highlights:
1) Big Gar’s drinking performance on Thursday
2) Instant coffee and hot cocoa.
3) Slaying trout.
4) Big Gar’s packing and hand sanitation policy
5) Big Gar’s road rage
6) Big Gar’s VA and other stories
7) Big Gar’s descriptions of titties, which he loves very much.
I had a blast and laughed my ass off.
It most certainly wasn’t the same without you guys.
Oh at one point I even said…”Good night Ja...I mean Gary.” For old times sake, it certainly wasn’t as funny the second time.
I have a present for James and Butch as a memorial to the 1999 trip. I'll give it you to in a few months when I come to Ashland.
Jesse
2 comments:
"That alternate approach being we cover all sporting activities, including but not limited to peer pong and frivolous copulation."
I'm thinking that this is just a mere Coleman-esque typo, or is it Pong with friends??? you know, peer pong...
Coleman's are not typos; e.g. "are" =/= "our" under any circumstances.
Clearly, beer pong was intended and was a typo.
Also, for the record, peers are not necessarily friends. The word "peers" only infers equality; which is not the case in beer pong (and corn hole) as I am supreme.
Thanks.
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