Bop touched on the upcoming spectacular life changing mind altering religious experience that is Wrestlemania, so I got kind of interested. Now, I once was a devout follower of everything that pertained the un-real world of scripted combat, but in the last few years,eh, not so much...A quick trip to WWE's website should get me up to speed enough to gauge what is going on...It's not hard to jump on this train and catch yourself up in a matter of minutes...So, here is what I found..
This will be the 26th edition of the sports entertainment spectacle, hard to believe that it is 26 years running... I remember Wrestlemania III and calling that damn hotline to listen to exclusive interviews with superstars, only to hang up because the day I called it was Hillbilly Jim and Lil' Beaver day...Fuck you Vince McMahon, you still owe me that 1.99 per minute...Anyways, The University of Phoenix Stadium will be the site of this years event, which is the home of the Phoenix Cardinals of the NFL and ironically not any team related to the University of Phoenix...It is an online university with no sports teams...I digress...
When the creative minds can't figure out anything entertaining or sensical to do with one of their creations, they throw them together in these hodge-podges that resemble those big ensemble films, you know like Cannonball Run, full of b list stars and bigger stars just looking for steady work. The premise of this match is to climb a ladder and get a brief case down, which holds an automatice title shot which the winner can use at any time in the following calender year. The aptly named Money in the Bank match is an excuse to have some dudes do some stunts off ladders and elevate a guy into a main event spot that they want there without having to try to make people care that he is there, or don't have any clue how to get him there on TV and tell a story at the same time...Don't even care who is in that match, just want to see someone jump/fall more than 15 feet onto a cement floor..Moving on, I see they are promoting a Unified World Tag Team Title match... A huge son of a bitch who in all realism should never lose, the Big Show, and his reality TV cast off douche partner, The Miz are the champions and they are defending against a guy who looks like Jim Morrison on the juice, aptly named John Morrison, and his inner-city rapping black man partner, R-Truth...Not really interested in this either. You give me The Midnight Express and The Brainbusters, then we have a tag team match. This is just another example of not knowing what to do with some over paid talent and throwing them together and calling them a team... They do the cute combining of names that is chic with the tabloids and call Big Show and Miz.... ShowMiz..like showbiz, get it? I would rather read the Brangelina US Weekly articles...But, it may be a good match, keep Big Show's fat ass out of the ring, and you might have something that resembles an athletic contest... Looking at the rest of the matches, they are not doing a good job of selling me on forking over 50 bucks for this garbage, especially since the UFC is on PPV the night before and they are offering up Dan Hardy and GSP...tough sell guys...There are two World title matches at the top of the card...One with the Big Gold Belt, and the other for that damn belt with that spinning No Limit Soldier looking medalion in the middle..Jesse Ward's stunt double Chris Jericho is defending the Big Gold against former villan now good guy, at least until he wins the belt at 'Mania, Edge...emotional build-up, Jericho is a prick and Edge just came back from Neck surgery...I'm thinking this means Edge takes the belt...The other match for the title, has the Mark Walberg-esque John Cena and all his merchandise up against a roided out douche named Batista...The website tells a tell of weekly attacks and beatdowns on the kiddie favorite and top plunnder selling Cena by Batista...Spells another good guy title victory...two good guy title victories??? That must mean that the Undertakers undefeated streak comes to an end to Shawn Michaels...It has perks being best friends with your boss' husband...which makes no sense since the balding and sickling looking once Heart Break Kid will more than likely take the next 4 months off losing all momentum gained from ending the streak...good choice fellas...His best buddy, Triple H is taking on a big, red headed, Irish albino...and I would suspect that if they had any sense at all, the younger albino would win this to build his charecter...so they will more than likely do the opposite, or he will win, but ol' Trips will get his revenge after the match and attack him with his trusty sledgehammer...because everybody knows when you get hit with a sledgehammer you can wrestle on TV the very next night...Now, I may be in the minority here, but isn't hitting a guy with a sledgehammer a good way to write him off tv for GOOD?...Ev's favorite wrestler Randy Orton will be fighting Ted Dibiase Jr. and A skinny black headed kid who they claim is Dusty Rhodes' son... No dark circles under the eyes or a big splotch on his belly...Im asking for some DNA proof here...technically the match is listed as a Triple Threat...whihc means they could not decide how to wrap this little story up, so throw all 3 of em' in the same match...Then after he screwed you on PPV and killed your brother, and after you fell off a bike and had a stroke, Bret Hart is climbing into the ring to face the boss himself, Vince McMahon...I guess this is a match that does carry a certain amount of baggabe and does have somewhat of an intriging back-story...but to be honest, Unless Dangerous Danny Davis and Jim Neidhart come out an attack Hart, I am going to be dissapointed...I don't really care so much about in-ring closure to something that happened in 1997...I am more interested to find out what Baby Doll had in that envelope that she was blackmailing Dusty Rhodes with back in 88...Or, more recent, how in the hell did Hulk Hogan survive his Monster Truck being pushed off a building with him in it only to win the title later on that same night...Oh well...
So there it is, the official 64/60 preview to Wrestlemania 26..... I'm not gonna watch any of it...I think it is a safe bet that none of you will either...
But, I might be persuaded if they come to the ring in the little wrestling ring colf cart things....
2 comments:
I miss the lil ring golf cart thingies.
i think hardy gsp will be the ppv of the up coming weekend
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