In which Smooth Dave ruminates on the fallen, learns the words to “Maryland, My Maryland”, forgets them in a bourbon-drenched fit of gambling ecstasy, and rolls into the recent memory bank to pick his winners…
Horseflesh, hand-flesh, and cocktails alike will get pounded in suburban Baltimore this weekend as Orb continues his quest for Triple Crown immortality at Pimlico Race Course in the Preakness Stakes. Much like Churchill in preparation for the Kentucky Derby, they’re set to run at Pimlico throughout the next 3 days, culminating in a beer-soaked jamfest featuring popular musical acts whose popularity Smooth Dave will never comprehend. Thoroughbreds will also run around the track in counter-clockwise fashion, both on the dirt and the sod (25% chance of rain, stay tuned…) at various distances until the 1 3/16 mile Preakness on the main track. My mind darts back and forth during the month of May, envisioning the heir to the throne of Affirmed, Seattle Slew, and the immortal Secretariat. It also thinks of what might have been…
Ruffian died on the lead at Belmont, a full throttle filly chased into oblivion by Derby-winner Foolish Pleasure. The ‘86 Derby winner, Ferdinand, was sold to a Japanese business conglomerate and later hacked into dog food. Barely into the 21st century, things got so bad at Keeneland they converted the speed-biased dirt course into a bizarre synthetic that‘s six times harder to handicap. Barbaro died (figuratively) coming out of the gate in a prior version of this Preakness, but not before putting Thoroughbred Nation through an agonizing summer and fall of elaborate pulleys and swimming tanks until he at last developed fatal laminitis. Eight Belles died after chasing Big Brown from far back to within 3 ½ lengths at the line before both her forelegs gave way gearing down along the first turn in the ‘08 Derby. These are just the more famous, recent examples. Over a hundred go down across the U.S. every year.
After reading all that, is it any wonder his connections bailed on racing I’ll Have Another in the Belmont after he came up gimpy with bad ligaments last year?
Thoroughbred horses are genetic miracles in the first place. Any animals that carry a half-ton+ of mass on four legs that taper to the size of 14 year-old girls’ wrists aren’t exactly designed to be one of God’s more enduring creatures, as opposed to say, cockroaches, or Lassie, or Larry King. Cynics can cry foul, and claim that we can’t have it both ways, claiming to celebrate the animal while running so many of them literally into the ground each annum. Smooth Dave says piss on cynics. Cynics don’t bet, and don’t have inside information for those of us who do, and are therefore wholly negligible in the entire sport of horse racing.
Half-negligible. It’s a heavy load, but as the smug bastards at PETA and elsewhere are wont to remind us, we all do have blood on our hands. I’m no exception. I’ve seen the tarp pulled out in person on three separate occasions at Keeneland and once at Churchill. It’s as solemn and horrifying as you’d imagine. Bitter old men put down their DRFs and doff their hats in places. Some women cry. Children are lied to, then ushered to the concession stand for another round of sodas and hot dogs. Smooth Dave shed a tear the first time, then quickly retreated into the whiskey all of the others after I knew to expect what was coming next. That’s what’s great about bourbon sometimes. It can make us forget.
But one day I’ll never want to forget is the ‘10 Preakness, when a scrappy colt named Lookin’ at Lucky came out of the 1-hole at 9/2 odds to scrap Super Saver’s Triple Crown hopes. I was in full revenge mode for what I thought was another stolen Derby by Calvin Bo-rail, and I sought revenge at quality odds in Maryland. The opening fractions were in 22.91 and 46.47, not unlike the pace Goldencents will aim to set coming from the 2-hole just outside Orb. He’ll probably take Titletown Five (#3) and a wall of horses with him, leaving Orb the opportunity to settle on the rail around 8 lengths off the leader, saving ground and positioning him for an outside move similar to the one he produced in his Derby-winning performance, passing 12 horses in a span of 200 yards to close well on the then-leading Normandy Invasion before finishing the pack off in the homestretch.
All that having been said, the Shug McGaughey-trained Orb is going to go off at 4/5 or worse given his even money Morning Line, so those of us wishing for a more odds worthy wager than a simple Win bet need to participate in the exotic wagering pools. No, there are no exotic dancers available to place your bets, but if you cash enough of them you’ll be able to afford as many as you and Charlie Sheen can pool your money together to buy. At any rate, I’ll be placing an Orb-Will Take Charge exacta. I’m buying into the notion that a number of these horses are somewhat overrated (only the new shooter Departing, Illinois Derby champion, really scares me) and that the D. Wayne Lukas-trained WTC was indeed fully compromised of a deserved 2nd place finish in Louisville due to being blocked inadvertently in the stretch by a collapsing Verrazano. So let’s call it a 1-7 exacta, and roll onto Elmont with full hearts and weighted minds in pursuit of the 12th Triple Crown.
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